Reviews by elgatohombre


It's 2 am and I can't stop playing

elgatohombre | Nov. 22, 2012 | Review of Hitman Absolution Professional Edition NA - PC

It's been a while since I've had to dust off my red tie, black suit, and leather gloves, but I still have a deep love for this series. The game retains the addictive formula of repetition until perfection from the previous games, but the world is significantly more populated and there are many more means of killing your targets. The numerous people populating the screen is amazing for suspension of disbelief, but it's annoying if you try to throw a bottle to distract someone and Agent 47 instead bludgeons an innocent bystander to death, leading to yet another restart. The story and the action are overblown, but that's not the point of this game at all. The point is to murder people in fun and creative ways. Though it's really early to determine what the community will become, but right now the Hitman version of multiplayer, "Contracts," is a blast. This mode is an open-ended challenge for other players. It allows the player to wander around a level, mark up to three NPCs for assassination and then kill these people with whatever means you choose. The game then tracks how you accomplish your self-directed goals and challenges other player to kill these people in the same outfit, with the same weapon, and escape in the same amount of time. There is also a monetary system that rewards beating other players' "contracts" with money that can be used to purchase weapons or disguises at the beginning of each contract level. I feel that this will remove the added challenge of obtaining a costume or weapon from an NPC in these levels. If you're a fan of stealth action games, this is the best example of this genre this year. Unless you actually are a professional hitman, expect to restart these levels a lot if you want to get any of the pseudo-RPG upgrades available for utilizing certain skills. If you don't like virtually dragging around dead bodies, then perhaps you're a better person than me, but you're definitely not having as much fun as I am. As I do with every game that lacks certain elements, I did knock off 10 points from my rating as there were no dinosaurs or lobster monsters in the entire game.


Make your friends feel like they've done nothing all day!

elgatohombre | Jan. 3, 2012 | Review of Saints Row The Third - PC

My wife went out to dinner with some lady friends. She came home sharing stories of the latest gossip with their kids and husbands. I bit my tongue just waiting to say, "I beat up an old lady with a giant purple dildo, had a sex change, streaked all the way to a wrestling arena, then I fought an army of luchadores with a chainsaw!" Her stories sounded like crap compared to mine. I'm sure she felt a little silly with her mundane activities after hearing of my flying a VTOL aircraft into a zombie infested island and fighting giant amazon women after a gimp driven chariot race. I honestly think this game made her embarrassed to share a bed with me at night, but this was the most fun I'd had playing a video game in a really long time. The story is ludicrous, the graphics are mediocre and cartoony, the soundtrack was only sometimes appropriate, and the gunshots and explosions lacked the bowel-evacuating levels present in most modern shooters, but damn was this game fun. There's always something to distract you from the main quest, but you still feel driven to progress based solely on the drive for more absurdly powerful weapons. Even after finishing this game (which you do get to see both endings no matter which you choose), I still went back just to blow stuff up, which is something I never do. The outrageous missions just make this game a joy to play and rarely did I get frustrated enough to stop trying a mission. If you really miss having fun playing video games, buy this game. It's the perfect antidote for the frustration of getting headshot by twelve year olds online.