Elden Ring has exploded into the gaming world, taking over pretty much everything. It’s the game on everyone’s lips (or if you’re reading this in a few years time, it was the game on everyone’s lips) and one big question is; will there be a sequel? Will there be an Elden Ring 2?
Everything we know about Elden Ring 2
Nothing. We don’t know. We have absolutely no idea. No-one has said a thing about Elden Ring 2.
But, if there is a sequel, here’s a script for it. Hidetaka Miyazaki, if you’re reading, feel free to get in touch via email. We’ll happily sell it to you.
Elden Ring 2 Script
INTRO:
A dark castle is seen on the horizon. A whispering voice whispers voicily:
WHISPERING VOICE
The good has been gone, the gone is now everything. Should thou face the gone, will thy be a hero…or a not hero?
We see a shattered corpse. A big monster. Two big monsters.
WHISPERING VOICE (CONT’D)
But ye, o Tarnished, can fight. Rise, rise and reclaim the Elden Ring. Again.
Dragons appear on the screen. There’s so many dragons, one of them is very large and really freaky.
WHISPERING VOICE (CONT’D)
Take heed, o Tarnished. Seek thee Groblo the Disgusting, Relebrat the Fair, and the EVER POWERFUL GRONDO OF STORMULANCE!
We see flashes of these characters punctuated by lightning.
WHISPERING VOICE (CONT’D)
Comest thou if thou be tough enough…
Character creation begins
FIRST NPC INTERACTION:
The first NPC is The Sad Bloke, met outside the tutorial area after the player’s first death. He stands next to the first Site of Grace, looking sad and wearing sad clothes. He teaches you the emote ‘sad’ when you approach.
THE SAD BLOKE
Oooh what ‘ave we ‘ere? A messed up little person is it, just a little messed up creature. He he he he he he he he (creepy laughter).
THE SAD BLOKE (CONT’D)
You don’t ‘ave a maiden, that’s a shame isn’t it. Especially for a nasty little boy like you. You nasty, messed up little child. You’re just a nasty little lad. Ugly too.
The Sad Bloke points to the distance.
THE SAD BLOKE (CONT’D)
You’ll ‘ave to get goin’ if you want to find a maiden. I’m not gonna tell you where though, you’ll ‘ave to find that out for yourself or on the wiki.
FIRST TOUGH BOSS BATTLE
You enter a large conspicuous arena. Bloodstains of other players litter the floor. You have one summon, it’s an NPC called ‘Morto the Idiot’. You regret everything.
As you step through the door the game fades to black and a cutscene plays. A giant boss, larger than a small boulder, lands in front of you. It’s hideous, thirteen arms, twenty two arms, a sword made out of a dragon. It’s barefoot.
SLAMMETH THE DESTROYER
What fool hath we here? An idiot Tarnished, bringing naught but foolishness to my door. What piteous creature, what eternal stupidity. An end to idiocy!
Slammeth attacks. At 50% health another cutscene plays:
SLAMMETH THE DESTROYER (COT’D)
Ah, thou mayeth not be so stupid after all? Then taste my second phase, thou pathetic little dungheap in human form!
Slammeth grows a fourteenth arm. It’s a gun.
At 0% health a final cutscene plays.
SLAMMETH THE DESTROYER (COT’D)
Oh, it turns out, that I…I…was the idiot all along.
MIGHTY FOE VANQUISHED
You receive 20,000 Runes and the SOUL of SLAMMETH.
Slammeth’s third phase begins.
THE TARNISHED
Here we go again.
FINAL CUTSCENE
You have battled monster after monster, vanquished foes beyond count, died innumerable times, and you have made it to the top of the world.
The final boss, Grondo, has been slain and its corpse lies before you. Around you, the fragments of the Elden Ring swirl.
You have a final choice:
- UNITE THE RING
- You usher the shards together. As you do, all the game’s bosses appear before you to bow in obsesiance. You have won and can rest at last.
- SMASH THE RING
- Your weapon breaks the Elden Ring apart leaving a glittering trail in the ruin of its destruction. As you do, the game itself crashes to desktop and deletes itself. Hard mode, baby.
- EAT THE RING
- It’s delicious. You pat your tummy and have a sleep.
- EMBRACE THE DARK
- The barefoot woman you met many hours ago teleports to your location to breathily whisper about power, freedom, and the dark. You turn from the Elden Ring and stalk away, black mist rising from the ground. Maybe…you were the baddie?
~FIN~
Slammeth’s fourth phase begins.
Buy Elden Ring
Well, now you’ve read what will certainly be a part of Elden Ring 2, why not pick up the original Elden Ring? Thankfully we have it at an amazing price right over here, so head there, grab the game, and hopefully anything written above here will start to make some form of sense.
