Heading Elsweyr: The weirdness of the Elder Scrolls

The Elder Scrolls Online is heading to cat-town, Elsweyr is the latest expansion to the long-running MMO and if you pre-purchased you can play it right now.

For twenty five years the Elder Scrolls series has taken us to many different places in Tamriel (and beyond). On the surface the series may appear to be a standard sword ‘n’ sorcery adventure, but there’s plenty going on that show just how weird the universe is.

To celebrate the release of The Elder Scrolls Online: Elsweyr, we’re taking a look back at some of the weirder things that Bethesda have put into their games.

Note: Before we get started, you’ll find scant reference to Sheogorath here. The Colin Hunt of the Elder Scrolls universe is more wacky than weird.

Warp in the West

Daggerfall Elsweyr

It’s genuinely hard to overstate how ambitious Daggerfall is. A huge section of Tamriel for you to wander over with innumerable towns and cities to play through.

The plot is equally ambitious. What starts as an investigation into the risen ghost of Daggerfall’s former king becomes a race to find the Totem of Tiber Septim, a device that would activate a colossal construct, the Numidium. The player in Daggerfall must decide which of the seven factions in the game should receive control over the Numidium, furthering their own agenda as well as deciding the fate of the Iliac Bay region.

Except by the time Morrowind came about, it seems something went wrong.

By a strange twist of reality, every single faction in the Iliac Bay region gained their own Numidium, and used it to further their own goals. The Orcs gained their freedom, the Underking regained his heart, Mannimarco the King of Worms ascended to godhood.

There were forty-four states in the Iliac Bay before the Warp in the West. After, there were only four. And Tamriel was never the same again.

CHIM

ALMSIVI

CHIM is a small word but capable of creating such ire amongst the denizens of r/teslore.

Known as the secret syllable of reality, CHIM is a concept that once known, allows the knower to have almost unlimited power to reshape reality.

Whispered through books in the series, the concept of CHIM is still an integral part of the Elder Scrolls lore. We don’t have any firm confirmation of what it exactly is, how one uses or gains CHIM, or what its limits are. But some books in-game theorise that, for example, the sudden change in climate in Cyrodil from jungle to temperate was undertaken by Tiber Septim using CHIM.

Described as a revelation of one’s position in the universe and the nature of reality, some fans have theorised that with CHIM comes the realisation that the Elder Scrolls series are just video games. This allows god-like users, such as Vivec, access to the game creation kit. Basically, they mod the game. From within the game.

The Battlespire

Battlespire Elsweyr

Ah Battlemages. Good at magic, good at battle. But training a Battlemage is a tricky business. Lots of fireballs going through the air, lots of discovering the more war-like side to magic. Where can you train them up in relative safety?

Maybe you could try somewhere isolated. Or somewhere heavily fortified. Maybe you relocate your Imperial Battlemages to a different dimension so they can’t hurt anyone.

Or maybe all three. Enter the Battlespire, a floating fortress in a pocket dimension that serves as a training and testing ground for Imperial Battlemages.

Of course, even though it’s fairly safe, it’s still in a bit of daedric danger,

M’aiq the Liar

M'aiq Elsweyr

A staple of the Elder Scrolls series these days, first appearing in Morrowind he’s been in every instalment afterwards. M’aiq is a jolly fellow, a Khajiit with a direct line to the developers. Often giving cryptic clues or explanations for game systems, he’s weird enough in his own right.

But that’s before you discover M’aiq in Oblivion.

M’aiq’s adventures in Oblivion lead him across the land, always in the search for callipers. Every day he’ll stop and look for callipers, unless he has more than twenty of them already. This means that despite him being hard to find, you can bait M’aiq into coming to you. If you surround yourself with callipers, of course.

Khajiit and the Moons

Masser Secunda Elsweyr

Khajiit hail from the land of Elsweyr, which is why you’ll expect to see a lot of them in the next expansion for the Elder Scrolls Online. Their land is a mix of jungle and dusty desert, and of course, cats.

There are seventeen different variations of Khajiit, and they vary hugely between forms. Some are just small house-cat sized creatures, some have reversed knees like dinosaurs, and some just look like Tony the Tiger.

How do you get different Khajiit? It’s tied to the movement of the two moons Masser and Secunda. Every phase of these moons has their own associated Khajiit – even a lunar eclipse.

Khajiit all look the same upon birth, but after a few weeks their distinct natures begin to show. Will your child be a Cathay-raht or a Suthay-raht? Well, that depends on the orbs in the sky over Elsweyr at the time of birth.

Hopefully we’ll be seeing a lot more of the Khajiit in Elsweyr, especially some good old Morrowind cats.

Wood Elf Cannibalism

The Wood Elves, or Bosmer, are a diminutive species of forest dwelling elf. They have an affinity for nature, ranged weapons, and tend to have slightly squeaky voices. Ah, the comic relief race.

Except you have to remember that they’re all cannibals.

The Bosmer live in utter harmony with their great forests, living on motile cities that move through the woods. They also follow a path called the ‘Green Pact’, living in symbiosis with the Valenwood, their home. As a result they refuse to harm it in any way.

This means no cutting of wood, but more importantly, no eating of any plant matter.

They only eat what they kill, and this applies to battles too. So the next time you refuse to return a ring of healing to a friendly Bosmer, remember that he could be chewing on your corpse in a few minutes.

What everything is made of

The world of the Elder Scrolls is called Nirn. It’s not like our planet, one rules by physics and scientific rules. It floats in the void of Oblivion on a plane called Mundus. This makes it distinct from the other planes of existence, mostly ruled over by various Daedric Princes and Gods.

Whilst the other realms are directly controlled and created by individual god-like creatures, Mundus was created by the eight divines (calm down Nords, Tiber Septim wasn’t a god yet at that point). They weren’t happy with this creation as they were tricked into it by Lorkhan. If you’ve finished Morrowind you’ll be familiar with at least part of him.

Lorkhan was punished for this deception, and his body was ripped apart. Part of it was buried in one of the towers which anchor reality, the volcano of Red Mountain. But the rest was used to form the moons that orbit Nirn. So if ever you look up and think ‘ah, what a nice view’, remember that you’re looking upon the ruined remains of a god.

In addition the stars themselves may be the corpse of another god, Magnus. Or they might be holes from which the other realms of Oblivion shine through. With everything in Tamriel, there’s differences of opinion.

Nirn isn’t like our world. It’s half made of ideas, half doomed god, and all crazy.

The Elder Scrolls Online: Elsweyr is available to buy and play right now. If you’re a Elder Scrolls fan, let us know in the comments if we missed any of your favourite weird lore from the series. Until then, we’re heading to Elsweyr.

10 reasons Rage 2 is a proper id Software game

With Rage 2 out there doing the business, it’s worth shining a light on the fact that there is more to the game than it just being Shooter Man (or woman, actually) Mc Shooty Face Part Deux.

Indeed, roughly half of Rage 2’s design DNA (the shooty bits, obviously) come from The House That Doom Built – id Software. So with that in mind, here are ten ways that Rage 2 actually feels like a proper id Software effort.

1. The Music

If you close your eyes when Rage 2 starts up for the first time and allow its rhythmic industrial metal beats to violently invade your earholes, you’d not be mistaken for thinking that you were hearing the soundtrack for a new Doom title. I mean honestly, it’s like they went to Doom Music School and just copied the homework of other students. This is a good thing (although copying the work of others generally, is a bum move) because even though traditional id Software and Bethesda composer Mick Gordon doesn’t have the reins here, Andreas Kinger and his team do a grand job all the same. I mean, the sincerest form of flattery is imitation, right?

Rage 2 Gif

2. Movement

Arguably one of the things that made Doom in 2016 feel so great to play was the liquid smooth framerate that in turn underpinned a level of freeing, ultra-responsive movement that the player was afforded. Much like 2016’s greatest FPS (don’t @ me), Rage 2 effectively mimics Doom in this regard, allowing players to dash, slide and jump around the place as they unleash a ballet of violence upon their foes.

Rage 2 is great with its movement

3. Overdrive Mode

There are fewer, more pure thrills in Doom than when you obtain the fabled Quad Damage power-up and begin laying waste to folk as if they were made of paper and you were made of scissors, or something. Anyway, dealing bucketloads damage feels great and Rage 2 replicates this sensation with aplomb via its Overdrive Mode which when filled, allows you to deal tons of extra damage and regen your health at the same time. Isn’t progress great?

Overdrive mode is typical id software influence for Rage 2

4. The Shotgun

Let’s not beat about the bush here, an FPS is only really as strong as its shotgun – a bombastic lesson that id Software taught us as early as 1993 with the release of the original Doom. Well, guess what, Rage 2 has a shotgun – the Combat Shotgun, and it’s quite literally a banger. Like all the best boomsticks it produces absolute murder at close range, has a ton of palpable recoil and a super neat reloading animation. Shotguns are the lifeblood of the genre and don’t you let anybody else tell you differently.

Rage 2 is out now

5. No Shortage of ways to murder folk

Every shooter that id Software has released has provided players with a good dollop of creative latitude when it comes to shuffling enemies off of their mortal coil, and yep, you guessed it, Rage 2 is no different. Though we’ve already looked at Rage 2’s shotgun, there are so many more possibilities than that available – from razor-tipped boomerangs that behead your foes to the Nanotrite powered Shatter ability which slams enemies with such force against surfaces that they basically turn into a red mist. There is no shortage of ways to destroy the evil folk in Rage 2. Huzzah!

6. Familiar Bad guys

The main conclave of bad dudes in Rage 2, the mechanically augmented Authority certainly owe a debt to the equally cybernetically enhanced Strogg from Quake 2. A varied mixture of twisted flesh and embedded machinery, the foes Walker scraps with across Rage 2’s duration are as much a thing of a nightmare as anything else id Software has dreamt up previously.

7. The ultraviolence

Look, an id Software title without a seemingly inexhaustible supply of spontaneous blood and guts is like AC/DC without Brian Johnson, or the WWE without Brock Lesnar – it would be a terrible business. Luckily, Rage 2 keeps id Software’s penchant for spraying globs of the crimson stuff everywhere very much at the forefront of everything and effectively seals the deal as one of the most downright shooters’ money can buy. Nice.

8. A story that serves the action

In spite of its open-world macrostructure, numerous characters and plot threads, Rage 2 never feels like narrative quicksand – instead, the story feels more like a vehicle for the furious gun-to-face action, rather than anything more overbearing than that. Like the Doom and Wolfenstein games that came before it, Rage 2 straddles this divide perfectly, fashioning a story that services the action rather than the other way around.

9. All the Secrets

A wonderfully long-standing id Software tradition, secrets have been a part of every shooter that the Texan developer has released since Wolfenstein 3D lit up MS-DOS screens everywhere back in 1992. Refusing to buck the trend, Rage 2 not only has more secrets than an MI5 dossier, but it has some truly neat, Easter Egg shaped ones too – such as id head honcho Tim Willits being rendered as an NPC that is seemingly glued to his toilet seat. Absolute scenes.

10. The Power Fantasy

Like every other id Software game that has come before it, Rage 2 thrusts the player face first into an irresistible power fantasy. With 2016’s Doom, it was you breaking your restraints and shattering the skulls of the demonic hordes that were flooding the Mars installation before embarking on a journey of infinite, unstoppable violence. Rage 2 does the same thing – thrusting the super powerful Ranger armor into your hands at the very beginning of the game and ensuring that you only get much more, catastrophically powerful as the game goes on. Just what you need after a teeth-clenching day in the office really.

11. Honorable mention

I know we said “10 Reasons…” but this is just too good to leave out – Rage 2 takes id’s approach, of not taking themselves too seriously, to the next level. The one and only Danny Dyer lends his voice to the game in the form of the Diamond Geezer cheat code. Now imagine it, imagine Mr. Dyer lending his dulcet tones to the next Doom, or the next Wolfenstein? It would be brilliant, I mean, after all, this is the same lad that offered such gleaming pearls of wisdom as “if we didn’t have thumbs we could never eat a sandwich.” Top drawer.

For more details check out the official website or the GMG store for great prices on the latest games.

10 games with good endings

All things come to an end. Even our universe will one day end when we cease expanding and entropy brings a heat death to a tired and ancient reality.

But until then we’ve got video games, right?

For some reason the internet is currently abuzz with tales of endings, and the quality of finales. Well, we’re here to do one thing, and that’s cash in on current trends. So sit down, relax, and let us sing to you a song of games that actually ended pretty well.

Note: Gonna be heavy on the spoilers from here on out. Read at your own peril.

Fallout

Fallout set the bar for all the sequels that followed in its wake. Mixing drama and a lighter touch to create a melange of wasteland-y goodness, it stands out as a near perfect RPG. The ending, even now, remains utterly astounding.

After traversing the wasteland to save your home, first from failing water supplies and then the terror of the super mutant threat, you return home. Only to be met by the Overseer who thanks you for all the work you’ve done for your people. Then, he tells you that you’re too dangerous to be allowed back in. That you’ll cause people to leave safety. That you’ll be the death of Vault 13. So the game ends with you, the Vault Dweller, walking with your head bowed low, back into the wasteland.

Spec Ops: The Line

There’s a lot written about Spec Ops: The Line by writers far more knowledgeable and capable than me, but it doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate this love letter to Joseph Conrad’s Heart of Darkness. Set after Dubai become swamped by colossal sandstorms, you play the role of Delta Force Captain Martin Walker leading a team into the sand-strewn ruins of this once great city.

Things don’t go well in Dubai.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions, and each step you take in Spec Ops: The Line leads you closer and closer to hell. Each decision your character takes is logical but by the end of the game Walker is truly damned. The ending revolves around the twin revelations that Konrad, the enemy you’ve been chasing the whole game, is already dead, and that you have been an unreliable narrator this whole time, often hallucinating events.

How Walker deals with this and who you blame for Walker’s actions forms the core of one of the most excellent endings of all time. Do you take your own life, do you put your hallucinations to rest and face justice, or do you become Konrad. It’s a difficult choice, and one that’ll stay with you.

Shadow of the Colossus

Shadow of the Colossus - Endings

In which Wander gives everything to save Mono and bring her to life again, and possibly gives too much.

Forming a dark pact with a creature known as Dormin, Wander agrees to slay twelve colossi in order to bring Mono’s soul back to her body. Thus Wander sets out on one of the most beautiful and heart wrenching adventures in video game history.

The game ends in tears. After killing the colossi, Mono’s life is returned to her. But Wander has become corrupted with the dark presence of Dormin. In addition, pursuers have caught up with him, seeking justice for crimes committed prior to the game. Wander ends up having to give up his life to save Mono, seemingly transformed into a horned infant.

It’s a poignant and sad end to a poignant and sad game, and one that never fails to raise a tear or two.

The Last of Us

After a long slog covering an entire year, Joel and Ellie reach their destination. They’ve battled makeshift militia, roving gangs, The Infected, and much more. They’ve sacrificed friends and their own health. But they made it.

All that needs to happen now is for Ellie to be, well, dissected to unlock the cure her brain holds.

Joel lost his child in the opening to the game, and through adversity and time together, he’s come to see Ellie as a surrogate daughter. And he isn’t going to let some scientists tear her brain open to peek at the secrets within.

The game ends with a roaring rampage of violence through the Firefly facility that has been your goal for the whole game. In the end, Ellie confronts Joel about what happened, and he lies to her. She knows, and she accepts it. What else can she do?

It’s a quiet and personal end to a game that’s often careful and quiet, and it fits the theme perfectly. Humanity might be damned, but humans can still choose their fate, even in the apocalypse.

Portal 2

The original Portal was a surprise hit with, well, everyone.

Portal 2 was more in every way. Bigger, longer, probably funnier. And the ending had to do the same. Surprisingly, it succeeded.

The moon shot. The song. The other song. The apology. The recanting of the apology. The other apology. The Companion Cube. The fields. The freedom.

It’s a perfect storm of pathos and comedy, and it is a perfect end to a pretty perfect game. There’s not much more to say, other than to reinstall it and play through for the umpteenth time.

Silent Hill 2

Silent Hill 2 is where we really nail down what the town’s doing. James’ journey through the foggy streets leads him to a hotel on an island, where he’s confronted with a hell of his own making.

Similar to some other successful endings, the rug is pulled out from under the player’s feet. It hasn’t been three years since your wife died, and she didn’t just ‘die’. James killed her.

The whole town is constructed as a torment for James. Pyramid Head is a punisher for his sins. The disturbing nurses are a reminder of the hospital where he visited his wife, Mary, and of the guilt he felt, ogling the health professionals.

It all comes to a head in that hotel. And it’s there that choices can be made. Will you leave everything behind you, will you die, will you leave with a resurrected Mary to begin the cycle anew?

Or will you find out it was a dog behind it all?

The Walking Dead (S1)

It’s hard to remember now, but at one time The Walking Dead was exciting. The TV series has since squandered what goodwill it once had, and the game has had a series of revelations of workers being treated poorly which has tarnished its once good name.

But back in 2012 we were all blindsided by the appearance of Telltale’s The Walking Dead. Taking place just before and after the zombie apocalypse, you take on the role of Lee, a former prisoner just looking to survive in this new world.

But along with you, is Clementine.

A young girl who’s lost her family, it’s up to you to try and keep her alive. Keep her going, and make sure she grows up as ok as possible.

The last episode of the first series is a cavalcade of heartbreak, ending with the reveal that Lee is definitely going to turn into a zombie. The game ends with Clementine having to leave, or kill, Lee. It’s almost too much. The last moments see Clementine escaping the zombie-infested city, being seen by two figures who remain indistinct, leaving her future in doubt (well, until series 2).

“Keep that hair short, Clem.”

Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag

Assassin’s Creed IV is a weird beast. On one hand you have an incredible pirate game, and on the other you have the same Assassin’s Creed game that had been released five times previously.

One thing that sets Assassin’s Creed IV apart from the other Assassin’s Creed games is how unabashedly sentimental it is. Edward Kenway, the main character, isn’t so concerned with vast conspiracies involving pre-humans. Instead he cares about his fellow pirates, and when he discovers her, his daughter.

The end of the game does involve a vast conspiracy involving pre-humans, but the real meat of the ending occurs when you see him say goodbye to the other pirates. The Golden Age of Piracy is over, and one by one Blackbeard, Jack Rackham, Anne Bonny et al all fade out leaving him alone. Except for his daughter, who he meets for the first time.

The very last part you get to control involves Edward Kenway and his daughter, teaching her how to steer his brig, the Jackdaw. As the sun sets, he begins to bond with her. And I dare you to not have a tear on your face.

Journey

Journey - Endings

Speaking of tears… it’s Journey time.

A game without words, the only means of communication is through cute chirrups that you and your potential co-op partners can make at each other. The game takes you through beautiful sandscapes where you ski down long sun-kissed vistas, and into dark underground monster-filled depths.

Your goal is always a mountain in the distance, each step is a step closer. Until you reach a cold area where the snow reaches halfway up your cloak. Alone, or with someone else, you collapse to the ground, unable to continue. Your cheeps becoming quieter as the game fades to black.

That’s when the ending starts to kick in. You awake and you’re amongst the clouds. Your co-op friend is back, and now you can almost fly. The music swells around you with Austin Wintory’s excellent soundtrack. It’s a true moment of elation after the absolute tragedy of a few moments before. The music almost becomes too sweet as you approach the mountain. The game pushes that feeling as far as it goes, fading out again, but this time to white.

The game’s ending comes with a look back at all the places you’ve just been, with a pair of shooting stars flying over the path of your journey. There’s nothing like it, and soon Journey will be coming to PC so if you haven’t played it, the time is coming.

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

Sands of Time - Endings

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time starts when the titular Prince makes a huge mistake. Tricked by the evil Vizier, he uses the Dagger of Time and releases the Sands of Time, unleashing a time and sand based apocalypse upon the world.

Travelling through the Maharaja’s palace where the game takes place, the Prince meets with Farah. Unsure of whether or not to trust her, he eventually finds out she’s the daughter of the Maharaja, and more. They begin to fall in love with each other.

Eventually the Prince defeats the Vizier and seals the sands away again, but Farah loses her life in the process. As the Prince sends the sands back into containment, time rewinds to a point just before the attack on the Maharaja’s palace begun. Sneaking away from the encampment, the Prince stealths into Farah’s room.

It’s there that the ending takes place. It turns out the whole game, and the narrative that has been spoken along with it, has been the Prince recounting this tale to Farah. The Vizier is the only other person who remembers what happened, and emerges to attack the pair. Defeating him, the Prince leaves Farah with the Dagger of Time, and a secret word that only she knows which she told him in the other timeline. Stunned she watches the Prince spirit away into the night.

Third person action adventure games shouldn’t have endings this good, but I’m glad they sometimes do.

Honourable mention: The Prey 2 we didn’t get.

Prey - Endings

OK I said ten games, but here’s an honourable mention, simply as this version of Prey 2 was never released. Involving time, death, and more, it sounds like if it was pulled off, it could’ve been astounding. We’ll leave Chris Bratt from People Make Games (well, Eurogamer back then) to explain it in more detail:

All things come to an end, and this is the end of this article. Did we miss games you love with amazing endings? Let us know in the comments below.

5 games that will scratch your John Wick itch

John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum (try saying that five times fast) is in cinemas now. In addition, a video game is coming out, one that actually looks like it might be a good game based on a film. I know, hard to imagine.

But that’s in the future. You want to feel like John Wick now, albeit without the dead dog and the threats to your life. Here’s 5 games that’ll scratch that John Wick itch you’re feeling.

Wanted: Weapons of Fate

John Wick? Nah, Professor X

Before you close the tab, hear me out. The Wanted film was a very loose adaptation of Mark Millar’s Wanted, and the game is similarly loose with the subject matter. But one thing that’s absolutely tight about Wanted: Weapons of Fate is the gunplay. Firing bullets around corners and performing trick shots feels absolutely great in this short little movie tie-in. If you can get your hands on it, it’s absolutely worth a few hours of lining up fools so you can spin a bullet through their brains. Be the expert marksman of your dreams.

Hitman 2

At the start of any Hitman game you’re a clod. An absolute dunce, wandering the levels like an aimless fool. Then you learn how to take out your target. Then you learn to do it smoother, better, quicker. Eventually you’re a veritable John Wick, sliding through the level like a ghost, leaving only corpses in your wake. Pulling off the Silent Assassin grade on a level makes you feel like a god. A god of death, but still, a god.

SUPERHOT

Time only moves when you do, that’s the way SUPERHOT (SUPER, HOT, SUPER, HOT, SUPER, HOT) works. Armed with anything you can grab your hands on against myriad foes all advancing inexorably on you. When this game works, and it works extremely often, there’s nothing like it. You zip in-between bullets, dodging blows, sending enemies into the morgue. And at the end of the level? You’re presented with a playback of your carnage, pauses removed. What a flawless machine you are.

The Max Payne Series

John Wick? Nah, Max Payne

Max Payne is that unusual beast in that there’s not a bad game amongst them. Taking noir to extreme levels, they combine style and bullet time to stir up a wonderful melange of bullet-based beauty. The most shocking thing about Max Payne is that the first is old enough to vote, and still feels cracking today. Armed with sardonic wit, a painkiller problem, and more bullets than you can shake a pistol at, a bit of Payne is sometimes exactly what the doctor ordered.

Hotline Miami

Hotline Miami is a top down rampage through level after level of intense gun-and-melee fights. Set in the 80s with an astounding soundtrack and utterly perfect controls, Hotline Miami is that perfect blend of art, design, and mayhem. Try playing it, I guarantee two things will happen. The first is you’ll look up the soundtrack on YouTube, the second is that you’ll not be able to play just one level. It’s gloriously outrageous, and outrageously addictive.

With those five games in your clip you’ll be able to hold off the John Wick jitters for a little bit. Do you have any nominations for John Wick-esque games? Let us know in the comments below.

Talkin’ Tolkien: 5 Lord of the Rings games we want to play

Tolkien is back in the news, a new film is out that aims to show a bit of the early life of the venerated fantasy author.

It’s had a mixed critical response, much like many games and films that have been based on J.R.R. Tolkien’s works. We’re lucky in that some games, like The Hobbit, Lord of the Rings Online, and Shadow of Mordor have all done justice to Tolkien’s world. But it’s not enough. The soil of Middle-Earth is fecund and there’s still room for new ideas to sprout.

Here’s five games based on Lord of the Rings that the games industry should make so we can play them.

Mordor Tycoon

Mordor

Mordor isn’t just a strangely rectangular area of land, no, it’s also the hub of all industry on Middle-Earth. Huge machines turn out armour and siege weaponry on a scale unseen throughout the rest of the land. All being run by myriad orcs, goblins, and other fell creatures from the spawning pits. Sounds like a management sim to me. Think of the satisfaction you could feel seeing your Mordor running away smoothly, like Dungeon Keeper, but without the comedy.

Shire Clicker

The Shire

Click the hobbit holes to get the hobbits out and working the fields. Click the fields to gather crops. Click the Green Dragon to generate beer (in half pints). Click the ovens to bake pies. Oh no, hungry hobbits are here to steal your pies, click them to shake them off your delicious treats. Click and keep clicking. Click. Click. Click.

Moriacraft

Tolkien Moria

Moria’s a vast subterranean kingdom built, and later abandoned, by the dwarves. A dwarf game about mining out a huge underground fortress? I’m sure that already exists, so why not go the other way. Have it just be one dwarf, toiling away, digging out your personal kingdom in the mountain ranges. You’d go through a lot of stone pickaxes, but it’d be all your own work.

Gollum Survival Sim

Gollum

Gollum’s not a well boy. Between being poisoned slowly by the One Ring and a diet of mainly raw fish, he’s doing pretty poorly in his mountain hideaway. That’s alright though, as he’s a natural stealth master. Take control of Gollum as you fight for survival in the depths of the Misty Mountains, hide from goblins as you raid their supplies before retreating into the darkness. And always, make sure that your precious is safe, secret, and secure.

Tolkien Allegory Denier 2000

Tolkien Denier

In Tolkien Allegory Denier 2000 you take on the mantle of the author himself, reborn into the twenty first century. The internet keeps saying your novels were allegorical, and that’s simply false. Why, the evil armies of Saruman and Sauron employing technology and mass industrialisation has nothing to do with your loathing of industry. Your fetishisation of simple country life hasn’t seeped into your novels, the idea is laughable. Your experiences in the first World War have coloured your accounts of war not a jot. They’re simply all wrong, surely. Absolutely. In this interactive fiction game, it’s up to you to defend your works against these horrid accusations that they’re allegorical tales of war and unchecked progress. No matter the proof.

Tolkien is in cinemas now, and we’re always looking for the next Lord of the Rings game. Have you any ideas about Lord of the Rings adaptations? Let us know in the comments below.

10 Pokemon we hope to see in Detective Pikachu’s horrifying realistic-o-vision

Detective Pikachu is fast approaching its release date and the reviews have started dropping. Startlingly, it appears to be a pretty good film adaptation, and some are saying it’s the best video game film ever made.

Despite that being absolute faint praise, the reviews, along with the trailers, mean that we here at Green Man Gaming are visibly vibrating with excitement about getting to see it.

However, not everything is sunny in the land of Pokemon.

The move to a live action and almost realistic style has led to some aberrations. Out of the Pokemon we’ve seen so far, Mr Mime, Lickitung, and Psyduck lead the charge in the ‘agh what the hell is that’ brigade. Whilst many Pokemon in the film are perfect, combining reality and the charm of the games/anime series. Some are a little disturbing.

Here’s ten Pokemon from the games that we hope to see all gussied up in Detective Pikachu, and then in our nightmares.

Unown

Pokemon Unown

Unown might not be terrifying in themselves, but think about it. They’re living hieroglyphs. You’ll be reading a newspaper and suddenly that story about a royal baby hops off and runs down the street. Actually on second thought, maybe that’s not such a bad thing.

Gothitelle

Gothitelle

Gothitelle is horrifying not so much for their looks, but because frankly they’re just a person. Keeping one of these in a pokeball is surely just straight up slavery, and we aren’t down for that.

Spiritomb

Spiritomb

It’s a cloud made of spirits that are emanating from a stone. And those spirits? They’re the souls of Pokemon who have performed ‘misdeeds’. So not only is this a creepy looking cloud of dead pets, it’s a creepy looking cloud of eternally punished dead pets. Don’t put this in the film, please.

Weezing

Weezing

They look like a pair of toxic testicles. No-one needs to see them bump mapped into 4k.

Bruxish

Bruxish

Ah a beautiful fish. With a beautiful pair of lips ripe for kissing. Given the incredible level of detail brought to bringing Mr Mime’s skin to life, we’re in no doubt that Bruxish’s lips would receive equal attention. Making them ripe, plump, and terrifying.

Dugtrio

Pokemon Dugtrio

There are as many theories about Dugtrio’s lower half as there are Pokemon, and if they appear in a film there’s a chance that we might find out if some of them are true. We’re not interested, thanks. We don’t need to know if they’re connected like a rat king or slim and smooth like earthen hotdogs. Nobody needs to know.

Mimikyu

Pokemon Mimikyu

Less a Pokemon and more a haunted rag that craves your love and doesn’t realise it’s terrifying, Mimikyu just wants your affection. The only problem is that they look like a child’s nightmare brought to life, and if the pokedex is to believed, seeing under its hood will kill you. So let’s leave Mimikyu out of the film, please.

Skrelp

Skrelp

If thousands in CGI dollars are spent bringing this abomination to life on the silver screen, all it’ll be capable of doing is asking you to kill it. A request which we’d happily oblige.

Yamask

Yamask is the ghostly soul of a human that carries around a mask of its own face. Occasionally they look at the mask and weep as they remember being a human. Can we just remind you that this is supposed to be a kid’s franchise? But hey, let’s have a reminder that even in death you can still serve Ash, at least.

Jynx

Pokemon No

No blackface, thanks.

Detective Pikachu is launching into cinemas on the 10th of May, 2019. Have we missed a horrifying Pokemon that gives you nightmares? Let us know in the comments below.

Indie Games: May Roundup

May is here, the sun has arrived (ish), and we are all one month closer to E3. In fact, E3 is literally next month bringing with it whole new swathes of games, weird trailers, and companies trying to be relatable. Well, we aren’t here for that noise, we are here for some of the peculiar little indie games coming out before all of that kicks off. So, here are some of the great indie games you can pick up this month.

Swords of Ditto: Mormo’s Curse

Finally making its appearance on Switch is the Swords of Ditto: Mormo’s Curse. This is the upgraded version of the base game and sees you playing as characters who are destined to go down in history as legends. You have to try and find your way through the various dungeons and try and take out the evil Mormo whenever you feel ready. You can even do it with a friend. It is journeying to Switch on May 2nd.

Swords Of Ditto: Mormo's Curse

Shakedown: Hawaii

Shakedown: Hawaii has you building up your own corporation in order to take over the island which you inhabit. This is very much a game that wants to make a statement about the rather shady practices that many businesses have in the real world. You can use the power of misleading ads and marketing spin in your conquest of the world around you. It’s coming to PC, PS4, Switch, and (checks notes) Vita on May 7th.

Shakedown Hawaii

A Plague Tale: Innocence

Set in the dark period of 1349 A Plague Tale: Innocence tells the story of Amicia, a 15-year-old girl who has to protect her young brother in the face of horrific odds. You must outsmart the Inquisition that hunts you while avoiding the swards of rats that riddle the world. Your only tools are your wits and a torch to hold back the swarm. Not one for those looking for a happy game as everything about the game is harrowing. It will be infecting PC, PS4, and Xbox One on May 14th. You can Pre-order A Plague Tale on the Green Man Gaming store here

A plague Tale: Innocence

Little Friends: Dogs & Cats

Maybe this one was only chosen to balance out A Plague Tale, or maybe the world just needs more indie games with pet. Either way, Little Friends: Dogs and Cats has you adopting and playing with up to 3 little fluffs at once and it looks joyful. You can dress them up too and use a mix of motion controls and the touchscreen to interact with them and play games. It will be bounding onto Switch on May 28th.

Little Friends: Dogs & Cats

Layers of Fear 2

If you’ve ever wanted to play a day in the life of a Hollywood actor, then it seems your prayers are about to be answered. Though, it is in a very monkey’s paw kind of way. Playing out on an ocean liner you have to survive the scars of your past and the effects it has on the world around you. It turns out that the world is a messed up place no matter your station in life, and if the first one is anything to go by, this will be a deeply intriguing game. Layers of Fear 2 is creeping onto PC, PS4, and Xbox One May 28th.

Layers Of Fear 2

5 tombs Lara Croft has yet to raid

Lara Croft has been pretty busy for the last twenty three years. Jetting about, raiding tombs, shooting dogs, or falling down waterfalls. It’s been a tough old time but throughout it she’s managed a surprising amount of grave robbing. Sorry, ‘archaeology’.

She’s been across the globe, delving deep into the tombs of previous civilisations on myriad continents. But there’s still work to be done, there are still some tombs un-raided. Here’s five that she’s yet to divest of their treasures.

Taj Mahal

Lara Croft at the Taj Mahal

Most people don’t seem to know that the Taj Mahal is a vast mausoleum, but it is. Shah Jahan, the Mughal Emperor, built it as a tomb for his favourite wife, Mumtaz Mahal. It also serves as the resting place for Shah Jahan himself. The Taj Mahal is too beautiful to ransack, even for loot-hungry Lara, but it’d make a fitting backdrop for an adventure. Imagine seeing the beautiful dome rising above the glimmering pool in front of it. And then imagine clambering all over it.

Mausoleum at Halicarnassus

Lara Croft at Halicarnassus

This one’s a little harder to raid, as it hasn’t existed for quite a while now. After sixteen centuries above the city of Bodrum in Turkey, it was gradually destroyed through a series of incidents that left it an utter ruin by the 15th century. That shouldn’t be a problem for Ms. Croft, however. The Tomb Raider series has had an element of the magical since its inception, so why not send her spiralling through time. Time Raider. You can have that one for free, Square Enix.

Lord Lucan’s Tomb

Lara Croft surrounded by question marks

Look, he’s dead ok. Lord Lucan went missing in 1974 and there’s been sporadic sightings ever since. But, it’s been a long time, so he’s going to be long gone now. Enter Lara Croft who can finally get to the bottom of this pervasive British mystery and find the resting place of one John Bingham. Then of course, sell the story to the tabloids. Treasure hunting is expensive business.

The Barrow-Downs

Lara Croft at the Barrow Downs

The lords and kings of the Arnorians rest in the great barrows of the Barrow-downs in Middle-Earth. But they don’t rest well. Barrow-wights infest this area, all in a tizzy because of the Witch-King of Angmar and those dastardly Nazgûl. So spending a night there isn’t the best of ideas, unless you have two pistols with unlimited ammo and a pair of shorts too short for any other human, that is. What treasures and mysteries lie in the moist soil of the Barrow-downs? Only Lara Croft can tell us.

Tomb of Praecor Loth

Lara Croft at the Tomb of Praecor loth

Praecor Loth fell in the great war between his world and that of Killorn Keep, being put to rest in a giant tomb along with his great treasures. Years later, the Avatar of Britannia came along and did a bit of killing and a bit of looting, all in a good cause, of course. We know that the tomb’ll get ransacked, so why not nip in there first for a Lara look around? No-one’ll miss a thing, Origin have been shut down for years, and Lord British spends all his time in space these days so why not. It’s free stuff.

Are there any tombs you would want to see our heroine adventure through? Let us know in the comments, and remember, you can save up to 87% on Tomb Raider games until the 7th of May in our Tomb Raider Sale.

Spring Sale: The Bestsellers

It’s Spring and you know what that means; hayfever for everyone.

Oh also a Spring Sale bringing you cracking deals on loads of games. We’re in the home stretch now, just a few days until the sale ends, and we thought it was the perfect time to look at the games you love to love.

Here’s what’s been selling best in our Spring Sale. If you haven’t yet, maybe you’ll find your next favourite game here.

Just Cause 4

Chaos comes in many forms, but Rico is a pure expression of destruction. In Just Cause 4 you’ll never want for chaos, as you’ll be served a smorgasbord of destructible delights. Balloons, grappling hooks, parachutes, a wingsuit, and attachable rockets all aid you in your quest for, er, justice? Just Cause has never been more explosive, and with a new weather system thrown into the mix, it’s a recipe for open world mayhem.

Conan Exiles

A lengthy exploration of survival, Conan Exiles gives you all the depth you need in a survival game, and then some. Gird yourself for battle as you build, explore, and survive in the Hyborian age. Will you become ruler of all you survey, or will you die alone in a ditch, forgotten by even your enemies? That’s the question at the heart of Conan Exiles. And only you can answer it.

Skyrim VR

Let’s face it, the real world sucks a bit. Thankfully VR exists. Escape from reality into a world where the only thing you have to worry about is ‘will that dragon eat me’. Ah, simplicity. The simplicity of the blade, and the carefree attitude of spellcasting. Beautiful.

Hitman 2

Think of Hitman 2 less like an elaborate murder simulator and instead like a giant game of Mousetrap. Except instead of balls and levers and mice, it’s emetics, guns, and cheesewire. Hitman 2 is a game of learning, learning, and then putting plans into motion. It’s careful and dangerous stuff, but it’s absolutely thrilling when you pull it off correctly.

Frostpunk

When the world is cold, humanity huddles together in their collective warmth. As ruler of the nascent city representing the last hope for humanity it’s up to you to make sure the light of humanity doesn’t flicker out in the frozen waste. Frostpunk has sold a huge amount of copies, over 1.4 million now, and it’s well worth your time if you have any desire to play a city builder, as there’s nothing quite like it.

Moonlighter

Ever wonder where fantasy shops get their items from? Moonlighter answers that question. You take on the role of a young shopowner, exploring procedurally generated dungeons as you quest to find out what the heck is going on under your town. And of course, make a tidy profit. Something we can definitely agree on there.

Elder Scrolls Online – Summerset

Who would’ve thought back when the Elder Scrolls Online launched that it would become what it is, one of the finest MMOs out there. With a generous free to play model and a huge amount to see, do, and explore, it’s never been a better time to jump into the action. Summerset is the most recent expansion taking the action to the ancient lands of the High Elves (or Altmer, if you’re an Elder Scrolls nerd like me). Get ready for Elsweyr, coming on the 4th of June.

Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus

Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus picks up after the explosive ending to Wolfenstein: The New Order. Years later our hero, ol’ BJ himself, is having a bit of trouble getting about. But that won’t stop him for long as it’s time to head to America and get rid of the Nazis, and no amount of tiki torches is going to stop him.

Those are the top sellers in our sale, the absolute big hitters. What’s taken your fancy in our Spring Sale? Let us know in the comments below.

Outward and how it effectively fashions its complete lack of hand holding into a virtue

I’m not sure about you lot, but the whole concept of playing some big, puffed-up hero in a fantasy world with some sort of epic, overarching and burdensome destiny to fulfil is wearing on me a bit these days. So it is then that Outward from Nine Dots Studio provides some much needed respite in this regard, swapping out weighty, pre-ordained world changing fates with simpler goals that we can all relate to – such as the need to pay your rent in five days for example.

That seeming lack of some abstract celestial digit in the sky, pointing down at your character and telling you what to do next in a conveniently laid out linear list of tasks, is just the beginning however, as Outward makes it clear early on that it isn’t here to coddle the player, but instead foster a sense of responsibility in each of us for everything that we do. And in this sense, Outward confidently stakes its claim as an engagingly unique and freeing prospect in a genre full of open-world efforts that espouse those same virtues, but rarely deliver on them.

So how close to life is it?

Take just the mere act of survival where In Outward, everything matters. Keeping firmly attached to your mortal coil is about more than just making sure you don’t die in combat, because Outward has you concerning yourself with cooking your food and boiling water properly to avoid disease, wearing climate appropriate clothing, striking a balance between light and heavy sleeping in order to protect yourself in the wilderness, hunting and foraging for food and much, much more besides.

Once you’re able to take care of yourself (you know, like a proper adult), Outward’s emphasis on cutting the player loose and not holding their hand extends out to its quest structure too. With a complete absence of any kind of waypoint system and a map which only shows landmarks and locations but not the player, Outward again impresses the need to consider things more deeply; using the environment and a good old fashioned sense of direction in order for players to orient themselves sufficiently.

Solo Survival or Multiplayer Madness?

Though Outward’s world and its array of systems might seem ruthless and even punishing to those who have been used to the hand-holding status quo of similar efforts, it, like many things in life, is made immeasurably better when experienced with a friend. By getting stuck into Outward’s cooperative play, two players can brave this unique challenge together; bouncing ideas of one another, covering each other’s backs and generally having buckets of fun in what amounts to an often hilariously entertaining, open world road trip.

It’s refreshing to have an open-world RPG of this scale which treats you like an adult and simply refuses to mollycoddle you every step of the way. Much different than the sum of its ruthlessly checkpointed genre brethren, Outward is a freeing, do-as-you-will breath of fresh air that doesn’t patronize and relies on you (and maybe a mate) to be fully responsible agents of your own destiny. Fancy that, eh?

Why Bethesda is still the most exciting AAA publisher

Bethesda have had a bit of a kicking recently. It’s been years in between Elder Scrolls’, Blades isn’t lighting the world on fire, and Fallout 76 was met with a, shall we say, mixed reaction.

You might be feeling a little less rosy about Bethesda these days. But you’d be wrong. Bethesda have been, and remain, utterly exciting. Here’s why.

History of Invention

When you think of Bethesda, you probably think of Skyrim. But their history is larger than that, and even within the Elder Scrolls series there’s a huge amount of invention and craft at work.

Even the initial game, Arena, showed a willingness to abandon what doesn’t work and reinvent. Originally Arena was a battling game about participating in gladiatorial combat. You would rank up, defeating enemies as you fought your way to the top. After a considerable amount of work was done, this idea was eventually scrapped, leading the way towards the open world RPG we got. The name ‘Arena’ became a metaphor for the proving ground of Tamriel itself.

From then we saw Daggerfall, a massive open world game that experimented with procedural generation. Morrowind that, well, you can read what I think of that here. The series saw experimental one-offs, like Redguard and Battlespire that tried to push the Elder Scrolls into more contained, tighter adventures.

Really what we think of today as the ‘Bethesda formula’ only cropped up from Oblivion onwards, and it’s hard to understate what a leap forward that game was. Radiant AI, for all its shonkiness, allowed NPCs to be a bit more alive than in previous incarnations.

They even managed to successfully revitalise the Fallout series. I’m the first to prefer Fallout 1 and 2, but even I can’t deny their tweaks to the series has led to them becoming a cultural phenomenon.

Even now they’re trying new things. The Elder Scrolls Online has gone from strength to strength after being reinvigorated, FFXIV style, after a poorly received launch. Blades whilst seeing some issues is a genuine attempt to bring open world RPGing to mobile, and Bethesda’s approach to VR has been to openly embrace it.

But that’s not entirely why it’s so exciting to see games from Bethesda.

Expanding Resources

It’s not just their home made games that are exciting, the developers that have become part of Bethesda are often pushing boundaries and creating amazing games.

Id for example, everyone loves Id right? It’s hard to remember now but after Doom 3 and the technical issues plaguing RAGE on its launch, things weren’t so rosy.

Then DOOM came out.

DOOM revitalised not only the Doom series, but Id’s perception as a developer. They were back, they’d made a game that not only paid homage to those that had gone before, it looked to the future too. Fast, brutal, and with an astounding soundtrack, 2016’s DOOM remains one of the best shooters out there.

Arkane is another studio working with Bethesda, responsible for some of the finest immersive sim games out there. Dishonored, Dishonored 2, Dishonored: Death of the Outsider, and Prey, are all games created by a team clearly at the top of their game.

They also have the team at MachineGames working on Wolfensteins. Who would’ve thought that we’d have good Wolfenstein games again? But they did it, starting with The New Order, they utterly revitalised Wolfenstein series.

The future

With Rage 2 on the horizon and looking pretty special, DOOM: Eternal coming soon, more Wolfensteins, a new Elder Scrolls in the works, updates to Fallout 76 ironing out some of the flaws, and Starfield teasing us, things look pretty rosy for Bethesda.

It’s clear that despite some experiments not working as they may have intended, Bethesda are still one of the few large developers/publishers who are willing *to* experiment. It may mean a game that doesn’t meet expectations every so often, but I’d rather have an exciting failure, than a company that always plays it safe.